Talk about great opportunities. I'm laying about tonight at a cocktail party and I overhear a conversation some people are having and sure enough, one guy lets it slip, that he's a bonafide astronaut. My ears perk and I move on closer to get in on this deal. At first I'm a lot like you in that I don't believe it. But this guy is all NASA. Short haircut and erect, it became clear immediately that I was dealing with the genuine article. And with that I basically shoved everyone aside and began:

Me: Are you really an astronaut?
Astronaut: Goin' up in August. I'll be flyin' the two seat. Also known as the pilot. There's a Commander, but it's the pilot that'll bring 'er back.
Me: What's up with the chick driving to Florida to whack her boyfriends other girlfriend?
Chieko: Joooohhhhhhnnnnn!!!!
Me: That's a legitimate question.
Chieko: Can we go anywhere without you embarrassing me?
Me: Seriously?
Me: Anyway, would those diapers really do the trick?
Chieko: Oh for crying out loud.
Astronaut: First of all, she's not bad looking. And secondly, I think that whole deal has been blown a little out of proportion.
Me: So you're going up in August. I hear you guys get totally loaded prior to flight. What's your bevy of choice? I'm a scotch man.
Astronaut: Again, seriously blown out of proportion.
Me: So, like I could never do it. I mean staring back at earth from like 240,000 miles away knowing that everything I need is way back there would freak me out. Does that ever enter your brain?
Astronaut: I'm not going to the moon. I'll be floating out there only 400 miles from earth. I haven't really processed the issue. I'm going up and I'm coming back. End of story.
Me: How many times have you seen The Right Stuff?
Astronaut: A lot.

It was pretty great. Right after that I met a chick that owned a bar. It was like holy grail night. My wife pulled me out of there by my ear. I still am having a hard time figuring out who was more interesting to talk to. So many questions. So little time.

Johnny GoFast