So that's that. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January of 2006. The outlook was pretty grim from the onset as most people don't last a year with that form of cancer and the doctor felt that my mother would probably be gone in three months. But they wanted to try and dose her with the chemo and my mom was gung ho. It was a hard time, to be sure, because I didn't want to see my mom poisoned by that stuff, and with so little hope, I didn't see the point. Good things happened as her body responded to the chemicals. The cancer was beaten back and she ended up getting an additional 15 months of life that (insert the Deity of your choice here) was otherwise trying to jip her out of. What is life like that? When somebody says that you won't see your next birthday, what's it like to see two more? She was happy and spent time with the family and friends with renewed vigor. And she never let on that she was holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We all lived with that fear. I guess you never stop learning from your parents. Probably the most valuable thing that I've learned in this process is that you keep trying. Because she did, my kids got to know their grandmother a bit more. I appreciate her all the more for putting up the fight that she did.

She passed away quietly on Friday night. The cancer came back around Christmas time and this time the drugs couldn't beat the cancer back. Complications arose for which the doctors had no solution. It was a horrible end to a wonderful life. I'd like to think she was comfortable in the end and that she died peacefully, but I'll never know. I'm glad she's gone and has rid herself of that awful body, but it's still hard to lose your mother.

She was always my biggest supporter. I think she relished in my successes more than I. I never quite understood why she took more joy in the great things I did. Having kids of my own now, I get it. I guess we all just want our kids to feel the joy of something great. It's going to be hard to lose support like that, but it's that support that has made me who I am today. Anyway, kind of a downer. But the sun will come up tomorrow and I suppose that's a wonderful thing.

Johnny GoFast