Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Johnny GoFast Game Show. A fast paced game featuring fast paced questions akin to Johnny's riding style. If you are faster than your opponent and nearly as quick as Johnny, you could ride away with [Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!]. So let's meet our contestants:

Our first contestant comes to us directly from the runways of the Olympic Gardens in Las Vegas. Having mastered all she could ever learn by the eighth grade, she has become more than just a professional lap sitter. She lists Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue as her favorite song and she loves to sip on Crystal. Buy her a glass and she's yours for the evening. C'mon and give a GoFast reception to the lovely and talented Cinnamon...

Our next contestant can be regularly seen at the corner of Haight and Ashbury. His hobbies include hydroponics and giggling. His biggest claim to fame is inventing the peace sign and wearing a leather head band with a sunflower on it for 768 straight days. Give a groovy welcome to...Ash.

Contestant number three took Benjamin's fathers advice to heart and has invested heavily into plastics. But she's no head turner...no folks, she breaks necks! She hails from Danville but today she is all ours...give it up for Gina...

And our last contestant considers himself a modern day Huggy Bear without the dumbed down "whiteness" of Hollywood. Not only does he press the flesh, but he pushes it as well. He's lonelyness' public enemy number one...a big GoFast hello for Bradley.

People...please direct your eyes to the left side of the stage for it's time to meet our host. A person known locally for his spandex and flair. A man incapable of pulling off the Full Monty yet able to squeeze into little girls bathing suits. A person often referred to as the person in your way...a man who needs no introduction unless I'm introducing him...the man himself...[Crowd yells:Johnny GoFast!!!]. Mass Applause.


GoFast: Thank you everyone, it's great to be here. Contestants, you've been briefed on the rules of the game so lets begin. Remember, your answer has to be phrased in the form of an answer. The coin toss was won by Cinnamon, so you're in control of the board.

Cinnamon: Bikes in Johnny's Garage for 200...

GoFast: Of the bikes in Johnny's garage, which is the one referred to as the Babe Magnet?

Cinnamon: It has to be the Harley.

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm sorry that is incorrect. Would anyone like to steal the question? (Bradley rings in) Okay Bradley, go ahead.

Bradley: It'd be the singlespeed.

GoFast: Correct!!! For an additional 200 points, can you tell us why?

Bradley: Because his muscles bulge out like Eric Bustos' legs. And as we all know, Johnny has legs the size of arms while Bustos has legs the size of people.

GoFast: Correct again!!! (crowd cheers wildly) Bradley, you have control of the board.

Bradley: Coors Light for 300.

GoFast: Of the following statements, which is the most correct:
a) Coors Light is Jason Dunlap's bevy of choice;
b) Johnny once downed 15 Coors Lights in three hours;
c) Coors Light is the racers choice;
d) Coors Light is the preferred choice because it's union made.

Bradley: It'd be "B" Johnny.

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm sorry Bradley, that is incorrect. Gina's...er I mean Gina...I see you've rung in just ahead of Ash. For a chance to steal the question, do you know the correct answer?

Gina: The correct answer is "C".

crowd cheers wildly

GoFast: Johnny did once drink 15 beers in three hours, but they were Strohs Lights, not Coors Lights. Okay, Gina, you're in control of the board. What category do you like.

Gina: I'd like Mechanicals for 500.

GoFast: Okay, for 500, and a chance to take command of the game, what was Johnny's most recent mechanical that took him out of the Pilarcitos cross race last Sunday?

Gina: A dropped chain?

GoFast: ((After a long pause and a brief look to the judges)) I'm going to need a bit more.

Gina: A dropped chain and a flat?

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm afraid I can't give it to you. Does anyone want to try and steal? Ash, go ahead.

Ash: He dropped his bong?

GoFast: Ahh...no. Anyone else? Yes, Cinnamon, go ahead.

Cinnamon: He snapped his chain.

GoFast: Correct!!!

crowd cheers wildly

Cinnamon: I'd like to go with Bikes in Johnny's Garage for 400.

GoFast: For 400 and a chance to advance to the Victory Lap, what is Johnny's favorite bike of all time?

Cinnamon: It would be a 1998, stickerless, silver, Supergo Access frame built out at the time with the very best mountain bike components available. It's long since been retired having suffered a crack, but it was the lightest and fastest bike he has ever owned.

GoFast: Correct!!!!

crowd cheers wildly

GoFast: It's time to say goodbye to our other three contestants. Ash, Gina and Bradley, it's been great having you on the show. We have some fantastic parting gifts for you backstage.

crowd gives them a warm applause

GoFast: Okay Cinnamon, are you ready for your victory lap?

Cinnamon: Oh Johnny, this is just a dream come true.

GoFast: You know how this works. You get this final question right and you will win fabulous [Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!]. (Cinnamon jumps up and down giddy with excitement) Okay, for the big enchilada, how many bicycles are there in Johnny GoFast's garage and please name them.

Cinnamon: There is the Specialized road bike, Specialized mountain bike, Surly singlespeed, and LeMond TT bike. The Bianchi is not in there as it got ridden to work today.

crowd goes crazy

GoFast: Correct!!!! Griff, tell her what she's won.

Griff: (Somewhat dejectedly as he hates being Johnny's announcer) That's right Johnny. Cinnamon has won some fabulous GoFast prizes. She will start out with a deluxe tour of Johnny's garage where she will get to clean up the work bench, wash some bikes, repair some tubes, and generally just hang out. (Cinnamon jumps up and down giddy with excitement at which point Griff stops.) Wait a minute, Cinnamon, these prizes suck. Why are you so giddy?

Cinnamon: Just hanging out with Johnny is a prize in and of itself.

crowd goes crazy and even starts whooping like on Springer. Griff annoyed, throws down the mic and walks off stage right. GoFast picks up the mic and continues.

GoFast: That's it for today folks, join us tomorrow for more GoFast excitement and....[Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!