Upgrade in the mail today. I get home from work last night, a day like any other, barely able to keep from drooling on myself after taking repeated shots to the gut and mug from customers, employees, and my own damn fists, when I'm stopped by my wife. "Didn't you get one of these envelopes less than 12 months ago upgrading you to the floundering 4's," she says handing me a thin envelope. Perplexed, I can't even answer. I've had a modicum of success this year, but no where worthy of so quick and upgrade. I hold the envelope up to the light and I can indeed see a sticker inside. "There must be some sort of a mistake," says I. Pleased with the prospects of joining my compadre, Herr Griffiths in the big boy category, I begin to open the envelope. I pull out the letter and indeed notice the sticker. It read:

Dear Jackson:
It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been upgraded to the no training wheels category. Based on your recent progress, you are ready to ride a two wheeler unencumbered. Congratulations.

My wife, reading over my shoulder, put her arms around me and offered me comfort. I turned to her and said, "this could be my finest moment." I was so happy I flew halfway around the world to do a backflip off of Stonehenge. Can't wait to get home tonight and get the little dude out there on the trail.

Johnny GoFastproudpapa