As most of us probably know by now, there was a bear saved near Donner Summit this past weekend. As we head into the election season, let's look in on the Democrats and see what they are up to:
Pelosi: Can we get a quote from the Bear citing the fact that his day has been ruined?
Obama: Why would we want to do that?
Pelosi: God you're an idiot. Do I have to explain everything?
Obama: Just the part where I need to keep repeating that this is a bad war. I'm kind of getting tired of saying that. I need something else...can't I come out against land mines and transfats...?
Pelosi: Quiet there peacenik, I'm trying to think over here...We need a quote from the Bear stating that he was trying to kill himself. That the rescuers ruined his death. We need a psychologist to confirm that the Bear had gone off his meds for depression due to global warming.
Gore: I'm sorry, I was dozing, did you say something about global warming?
Pelosi: Furl up your cape there Captain Planet, you've ridden that wave too long.
Pelosi: Where's Hillary? Somebody hand her the talking point about this being Bush's fault and tell her to keep the shrill to a minimum.
Hillary: Sorry I'm late, caught Bill banging another fat chick. All this buzz about bears has him all horned up. Anyway, has anyone given any thought to providing free health care to bears? They just found a bear in California that was living under a bridge. Not only is the bear homeless but it turns out he has no health care coverage. This is the 20th century for crying out loud, how can we have bears in this country living without health care?
Pelosi: 21st Hillary.
Hillary: 21st what?
Howard Dean: Maybe we should call in Kerry. He's getting a little bounce in his numbers from that whole "Don't taze me, bro" thing that I thi...
Pelosi: Yeah, what the hell was that all about? Why was he addressing a bunch of college students in Florida in the first place? I'm sorry Howard, I cut you off, were you going to say something else?
Howard Dean: No I was pretty much done I just wanted to add, Heeeeeyyyyaaaawwwww!!!
Pelosi: Get me Kerry on the line. And somebody get me his voting record. I want to make sure that he's remained consistent.
George Stephanopoulis: I have those numbers right here, Nancy. He's definitely pro bear.
Pelosi: Sounds like we've got our candidate.
Howard Dean: Heeeeeyyyyaaaawwwww!!!
Pelosi: Jaysus, Howard, knock that crap off.
No need to look in on the Repubs, I'm sure they're just loading up the guns to have themselves a good old bear hunt.
Interesting stuff indeed.
Johnny GoFast
posted by Johnny GoFast at 3:09 PM
2 Comments:
We already checked in with the republicans.
We asked Senator Craig, but he was too busy looking for hummers in the men's room.
So we asked your current spiritual leader of the party, Rev. Hager, but he was busy writing his next sermon on how good Christians should conduct themselves and he was still a little hazy from his last meth-hit with his male escort friends, so it was hard to get a straight answer from him.
So we asked the Decider, but George said he couldn't think about bears. He was too busy looking for his village idiot sign that someone stole from the Whitehouse lawn.
So we asked the real Decider, Cheney, but he was deep in tought day dreaming how the Iranians will parade in the streets and welcome the Americans once we launch "Shock and Awe" on their country. He did manage to say something about getting the bear with a shotgun blast to the face.
So we went looking for AG, found him commiserating in the bar, but he could only mumble something about how unfair it was for him to lose his job after he allowed his friends to commit torture and abuse American's civil rights.
We found Brownie at a horse race, and he said he could definitely do a "good job" if he could have help from the Coast Guard.
We asked Rumsfield, but he was too busy playing Risk with Conie Rice. He couldn't figure out why he was losing with all his pieces stockpiled in south asia.
Finally we bumped in to my local favorite John Doolittle. He said he could help us if we would hire his wife to create a fund raising campaign for "Clean Bears America" and mumbled something about that bastard Abramoff ruining everything.
PS - stop trying to bate us.
That bear may not have been without health insurance, but he has some SWEEET new Air Jordan keds, a bitchin new Escalade complete with swing disc rims, serious subwoofers, and a dvd with round the clock satellite porn feed. And the new silk duds from Armani, the D&G shades, the Louis Vitton luggage, the 4 carat ear studs, several new video game platforms (Madden is the best!) = who can afford Health Insurance? Bush and his capitalist materialistic cronies make so it's too expensive for the common bear to afford health insurance. Let the rich pay for it.
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