If I ever meet the guy that coined the phrase, "it's just like riding a bike," I might take him out behind the woodshed and kick his ass. That is, if I didn't think I'd throw a pathetic jab into the wind and then buckle over in exhaustion. Riding a bike is nothing like "it's just like riding a bike." Seriously. I went for my first ride today at lunchtime. And by first ride, I mean the first ride since I rode back to my little hovel of a motel room in Bend, Oregon after Cyclocross Nationals in December. I knew it wouldn't be like my last race or training rides, but c'mon, I didn't think I'd actually struggle. My ride was an hour long and very flat. I started in Concord and rode down the Iron Horse Trail to Alamo. Immediately, while pedalling softly, my heart rate settled in at a robust 145 beats per minute. The perceived effort was easy at best, so I stopped to make sure the monitor strap was installed correctly. It was, so I started riding again and boom, up went the heart rate. And then, looming in the distance like Mt. Ventoux, rising out of the asphalt in all it's glory stood the Ygnacio Valley Road bike path over crossing. I clicked it down into the little ring and spun my way up. My heart rate spiked to 170. I stared at my monitor in horror. As I rode down the backside of this hors categorie monument, I paled at the thought that I would have to meet it upon my return. Luckily I had some of those PowerGels to keep me fueled. I continued on without incident, other than the elevated heart rate inexplicably begging me to slow down to 14 mph or letting fly with a moving coronary. I rode by the house so I could wave at the wifeage and prove that I can still ride a bike, but she wasn't home. My out and back ride should be as flat going back as it was coming, but it suddenly became very hilly, what with the overpass to conquer as well as the otherwise uncategorized Treat Blvd. bike path over crossing that somehow can be un-categorized in one direction but a category 1 climb on the return. Once I made it over the Treat Blvd. pass, it was smooth sailing back to the rockpile, but just barely. Some chick on a mountain bike, wearing jeans and lugging a backpack gave me some wheel along the river, but I was able to put in a rather smallish dig and drop her, again with the heart rate blasting up to 160. Anyway, I'm sure your training rides are going much better, but it's a start for me. It's the same every year, so I'm not concerned. Heck, I didn't start my training until April last year when I was 12 pounds heavier than what the dial read this morning. So that's good...I think. Anyway, hope you are well and if you can, a gentle push on some of the peaks around here would be great if you see me in a spot of difficulty.

Kindly,

Johnny (HeartRate)GoFast

As my reader knows, I tiptoe into the waters when it comes to technology. I'm timid at best as it is all so overwhelming for this man of limited computer ability. Anyway, a while back I dove headlong into the waters and ordered me up one of those mobile hotspot gizmo's so I could check the internets from distant areas (mainly when away from the rockpile). So I came home and I diligently R.T.F.M'ed and then tried to fire up the device and get on the internet as instructed in the f'in manual. And as predictable as Hugh Hefner's baby maker pre viagra, I got no action. So I called tech support and we fumbled through the process together. Though entrenched somewhere within the confines of our border, the techie was clearly exasperated. I read him the various serial numbers and codes from the device and he looked it up on his perfectly functioning computer. He assured me that my unit had been inspected and when it shipped, it had been fully functional. He then asked me to read him the numbers that read in the display screen. I looked at the screen and it was completely black. He then asked me if the unit was on. I assured him that I had pushed the button many times, but never did I see anything display on the screen. It had taken about 10 minutes to get to this point, and he suddenly got very quiet. I could almost sense him on the other end of the line leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes in complete frustration. He then said very quietly, "did you hold the button down for four seconds." I sheepishly said no. He patiently asked me to do so, and when I did, well, I'm sure you know how the story ends. I mean I get why it is that I don't know how to turn the thing on, but shouldn't the techie on the other end assume that I don't? Anyway, like I said, I'm not the brightest byte in the computer to be sure.

On a better note, and in step with today's technology, Project Johnny now part of the 4G network, got off to a roaring start today. A whole month ahead of last years reconstruction project. Truth be told, I've already logged a little pool time and have one excellent session of weights under my belt. Today saw more swimming and then I went and picked up my training bike that was getting some much needed love. I saw my sunglasses the other day, and they are still caked with the mud from the last time I rode my bike...in Bend. It's been a while, to be sure. I did find myself staring at my cross bikes not too long ago and it got my blood flowing. (Insert the deity of your choice here) willing, I may even take the facelifted bike out for a ride tomorrow. You're all on notice. Hope you are well and if you're ever at a loss, try the "on" button.

Johnny GoFast