I've got a long list of real good reasons for not riding the bike lately. The one that tops the list, however, is the fact that there is a germ-a-phobe who lives in the other building at my office complex. It was back in '98 or so, when I discovered there was a shower in the other building. My building, no such luck. Anyway, I've been showering over there since the discovery and it's made for a much more enjoyable experience for those I work with. When I ride in the morning, I usually get in and out and generally (when the water runs hot) it's been wonderful. The issue is when I sneak out at lunch for a spin. At first I didn't really notice my surroundings, but as time went by, I always notice some paper towels on the ground behind the door. I always thought that was odd and I'd pick them up and throw them in the trash can near the sink. Then, when I got back from my ride, there would be another towel or two (depending on how long my sneaky ride was) in the same spot. Then one day, as I was coming through the door, I happened upon a guy with a towel in his hand just as he was reaching for the handle. He looked at his towel and looked at the ground as if he was going to throw it on the floor, thought better of it, and continued past me on the way back to his office. I didn't think anything at the time, but later, it dawned on me that this was the guy who was throwing the towels on the floor after he had opened the door. I've never seen him since, but his towel dumping has continued. It bugs me beyond belief. I've thought about taping up a sign behind the door with something to the effect of, "Hey pal, nobody here is your mother so don't throw your paranoid door handle germ protector on the floor." But I thought maybe that would get the cleaning staff in trouble, so I haven't done it. I've had fantasies of catching this guy in the act and fake sneezing on him or sticking my hand down the front of my bike shorts, grabbing a big handful of my sweaty ball sack and rubbing it on him. But no such luck. So now you know. I haven't been riding because I hate that this guy throws his towels on the floor for somebody else to clean up. He probably eats fried food, smokes, has unprotected sex in bath houses in the City, but have to touch a door handle, egads. Hope you are well and I'll see you out there rolling real soon.

Johnny GoFast

Hey kids, sorry for the delay in getting anything written. I've been down with a humongous case of the blues lately. It's seen me attempt to eat and drink my way out of sorrow to horrifying results. I've had little to no motivation to throw the old leg over the top bar. Depression is a maddening thing, no doubt. But I see light there at the end of the tunnel and Mama didn't raise no moper. As the wifeage likes to say, "the pity party is coming to a halt sooner rather than later so get your shit together." She's a tough one, but then again you already knew that.

Pitched my Mom off a cliff up at Sea Ranch this weekend. It was a glorious afternoon. We walked a bit on a bluff trail that overlooks the ocean to a place where my Dad and Mom used to hike to. There's a bench that is mostly obscured from view from the trail and they liked to sit there and reflect on life. It is known in the family as the "secret bench" as few even know that it's there. We took turns sprinkling her ashes off the cliff and then the Grandkids, one at a time, took a long stemmed rose and threw it off as well. It was a beautiful moment. As we left, when my Dad thought nobody was looking, he blew a kiss to the area where we spread her ashes and said goodbye. I almost walked into a cypress tree for the blurriness in my eyes.

We had a great time taking the kids to the beach. We flew kites and built forts and played in the waves. We also went tide pooling and found starfish, anemones, hermit crabs, and the like. I also went abalone diving for the second and third time in my life. The first time was like 20 years ago with my Dad, and truth be told, I couldn't really get down to the bottom and find any. My brother Michael (pictured cleaning the booty) had been only a handful of times, but seemed to know what he was talking about. I scored two on Sunday, one of which was legal. We went back out on Monday and Michael and I both limited out while my brother Matthew lent his support (code for coming out of the water smelling more like a skunk than abalone). As you can tell from the photo, I've already got my Cat 3 upgrade on the ab diving as I got Michael to clean it all. That's just savvy tactics if I say so myself.

Hope you are well. One final celebration to get through this weekend and then you might see this plus sized Well Fargonaut back on the path to fitness.

Johnny GoFast

So I went out drinking with a crew of mine on Saturday night. Naturally I've been in touch with a lot of friends lately, and that's been a comfort. We decided that maybe a few beers were in order (ala Brad Pitt in the wake scene from Snatch), so we made plans for 8pm. The thing I love about growing up in Danville is that when you make plans to meet up for a beer on Saturday night, no mention of where is ever brought up. It's been there since 1907 and it's the only place to go.

So I march into Eliots and grab myself a beer and the jocularity starts. After a while I realize there's no music so I head on over to the juke. I'm a cat 1 jukebox player and have spent many a coin developing my prowess. To my shock and horror, the jukebox was no longer there having been replaced by one of these new-aged-versions-hooked-up-to-the-internet-so-it's-way-better-contraptions. I don't want to wax nostalgic, but this is not an improvement in the jukebox arena. I will now discuss the pro's and con's to the new improved version to my favorite juke, the CD playing kind.

Category
Play list:
The obvious pick here is seemingly the new internet based jukebox. You can play virtually any song you can think of. Or can you? After starting out with some favorites (Hank Williams Sr.'s Jambalaya followed by appropriately enough Hank Williams Jr.'s Family Tradition and then onto Blue Eyes Crying in the rain, Mama Tried and Heard it in a Love Song), I thought it was time for something a little more up tempo. So I went after Dead Eye Dick's Mary Moon, and the system found nothing. I also went looking for Jane Says and I ended up getting an album but couldn't navigate to the actual song.

On the old jukebox, you had to flip through all the albums to know what you were working with. Many times the selection would cater to the type of bar. Eliots had a lot of country in their box, but they also had the staples such as Sinatra, Niel Diamond, Motley Crue, CCR, etc. Most of the fun was figuring out if you wanted to end your string with a tune by Bonnie Raitt, or if you really needed to hear Pinball Wizard once more.

Though the new machine gets high marks for an extended play list, it falls a bit short when you go deep and come up with nothing. It would seem, that there is a lot there on the surface but like those forests in Oregon that have been carved out in the center, it may be all just a facade. Besides, working a box for what it has is all the fun. Advantage CD jukebox

Value:
With the new jukebox, you buy credits. All songs cost two credits unless you want your song(s) to jump to the head of the queue and then they cost three credits. This thing was invented during Bush's reign so I place full blame on him. This is as undemocratic as it gets. You have more money and therefore more right to hear your songs first.

With the old jukebox, you bought songs and they came up in the order selected. At random, you would hear somebody shout out, "these are my songs". When you slipped your cash in, the readout would tell you how many songs or plays you had left. You had to be diligent in how you set up your order to start and finish strong and work the middle to show your ability and command. Often, the box was owned by the bar and sometimes you could get the tender to open up the till and give you some of the bar's money to set up the juke. This only came after you teetered on becoming an alcoholic, had it in tight with the bartender, and had full confidence that you knew what you were doing with such a machine.

Technology is king but not in this case. Advantage CD Jukebox

Excitement Factor:
The new box does nothing for me. Walk into a good bar and spot the jukebox and it can be nearly as good as spotting the girl in tight jeans as she bends over to take her next pool shot. The new box hangs from the wall and has a computer screen that you have to have a computer science degree to know how to navigate. The go back features take you too far back in some cases or get you flat out lost. Remembering a song on an album you have forgotten about is next to impossible. I quickly asked anyone near me to tell me the greatest rock and roll song ever and I got blank stares as they muddled over the question (correct answer: Going to California by Led Zeppelin).

With the old box, you flipped through album covers. This would set off emotional responses deep inside you. Just the cover of Rush's Moving Pictures album sent you racing back in time to long forgotten friends and a period of hopes and dreams that have long since been realized or lost forever. And just the opposite could happen, while flipping through the covers you might stumble onto George Michael and that other guy from Wham and moan out loud. They single handily almost ruined the 80's. And you might just drop a quarter and select Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go just to be an a-hole.

New and improved goes more boring than ever. Another chance to blame Bush. Advantage CD Jukebox


Maybe I'm a throwback (yet not too far as I don't want to get tangled up with those that love the original jukebox players that ran the 45's and created B-Side phenomenons), but give me my CD jukebox any day. Hope you are well. Coming tomorrow: How far has Johnny sunk and did we really see him being Griff's bitch in the feed zone? "Tell us it ain't that bad Johnny." Oh, it's that bad.


Johnny GoFast

So that's that. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January of 2006. The outlook was pretty grim from the onset as most people don't last a year with that form of cancer and the doctor felt that my mother would probably be gone in three months. But they wanted to try and dose her with the chemo and my mom was gung ho. It was a hard time, to be sure, because I didn't want to see my mom poisoned by that stuff, and with so little hope, I didn't see the point. Good things happened as her body responded to the chemicals. The cancer was beaten back and she ended up getting an additional 15 months of life that (insert the Deity of your choice here) was otherwise trying to jip her out of. What is life like that? When somebody says that you won't see your next birthday, what's it like to see two more? She was happy and spent time with the family and friends with renewed vigor. And she never let on that she was holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We all lived with that fear. I guess you never stop learning from your parents. Probably the most valuable thing that I've learned in this process is that you keep trying. Because she did, my kids got to know their grandmother a bit more. I appreciate her all the more for putting up the fight that she did.

She passed away quietly on Friday night. The cancer came back around Christmas time and this time the drugs couldn't beat the cancer back. Complications arose for which the doctors had no solution. It was a horrible end to a wonderful life. I'd like to think she was comfortable in the end and that she died peacefully, but I'll never know. I'm glad she's gone and has rid herself of that awful body, but it's still hard to lose your mother.

She was always my biggest supporter. I think she relished in my successes more than I. I never quite understood why she took more joy in the great things I did. Having kids of my own now, I get it. I guess we all just want our kids to feel the joy of something great. It's going to be hard to lose support like that, but it's that support that has made me who I am today. Anyway, kind of a downer. But the sun will come up tomorrow and I suppose that's a wonderful thing.

Johnny GoFast