Oh the joy of getting your eyes checked. There is probably a reason I only do this once a blue moon. That and when I’ve lost my glasses and I need some new ones, which is this episodes case. I’m also wandering down that road of getting contacts. Forever a phobia about screwing around with my eyeballs, I’ve always resisted. Little known secret but Johnny GoFast races blind. Well, not blind, but certainly blurry. I’m getting a bit tired of it, so I’m giving in. Anyway, those exams are a bit torturistic. All the gunk they poor into them and all the bright lights. This better than that, how about now, hmmm, read the bottom line for me, etc. And then you walk out of there and it seems like the world is imploding with light. I didn’t ride at lunch today as my eyes were still killing me. All of this set the GoFast household back $410 and I’m not even in the barn yet. Have to go back next week to get fitted/schooled on the contacts. In the end, I hope that the vision correction allows me some snappier decisions while blazing along on the bike and keeps me from saying funny things to my compatriots in the peloton. No more of that, “hey dude, did somebody slip off the front or are we all together” garbage. Ahh the joy of getting older. Suppose it could be worse, I could be knee deep in heart and meth problems.

Johnny GoFast

GoFast issues statement regarding Griffociraptor claims
This report filed September 13th, 2006

Following news reports that former friend and confidant, Steve Griffociraptor admitted to the wearing of DayGlo splattered clothing early and often in his bike racing career, his former friend Johnny GoFast released the following statement charging the Blog York Times with efforts to impugn his reputation:

Today's article in the Blog York Times was a blatant attempt to associate me and implicate me with a former friend's admission that he wore incredibly ugly clothing during his career. The recycled suggestion that former friends wore this clothing with my consent or at my request is categorically false and distorted sensationalism. My cycling attire is untainted; I did not wear anything brightly colored nor did I ask anyone or condone anyone associated with me to wear anything brightly colored. I won wearing slightly drab to mundane colors.

Despite the fact that I am the most popular cat 4/5 rider in the Bay Area, despite my numerous citations by Vogue, People, US, National Enquirer, and Rough Boy magazines as the most best dressed cat 4/5 rider in the peloton, despite my nondescript demeanor, I attract attention and remain a frequent target for distortion and sensationalism. Mr. Griffociraptor is a prime example.

The allegations run today are not new and I've repeatedly defeated them in a court of law. The implication that DayGlo clad kits were commonly accepted by me is untrue. In a recent arbitration case in Alamo, Ca, I proved that I never wore DayGlo, asked or encouraged anyone to wear DayGlo. I have had over a lot of friends during my life; of those, only one has testified for the accusers and none of those involved any proof that I wore, or reqested others to wear, DayGlo splattered clothing. The friend mentioned by name in the article today, Steve Griffociraptor gave testimony under oath. The article implies that I asked or encouraged Griffociraptor to wear DayGlo. Griffociraptors sworn testimony, however, shows that is this is categorically untrue. At one point I did wear a splash of yellow, but it was faded.

Griffociraptor testimony:
Q: Did he (GoFast) indicate to you that he was going to wear DayGlo or consider using DayGlo?
G: No.
Q: Was there any discussion between you and Mr. GoFast regarding DayGlo or the wearing of DayGlo during that time period?
G: No.
Q: '94, '95 time period?
G: No.
Q: Did anyone on the team tell you that they knew Mr. GoFast was wearing DayGlo during that time period?
G: No.
Q: Did you ever have a discussion with Mr. GoFast about whether you should wear DayGlo?
G: Did I ever have a discussion with Johnny about whether or not I should wear DayGlo?
Q: That's the question, dumbshit.
G: No.

The article also quoted Griffociraptor's wife falsely asserting that Griffociraptor wore DayGlo for me. That never happened and is frankly absurd. Griffociraptor issued a statement after the article ran where he stated, "I wore the DayGlo to enhance my own look, nobody elses." The article attempts to describe Tulip Griffociraptor as testifing involutarily and under subpoena; the truth, however, is that:

1. she voluntarily and without subpoena traveled to Alamo from Granite Bay to testify against me;
2. she carried a note saying she hated me and that she thinks my breath stinks;
3. she contacted Pat McLaughlin and his wife over 100 times in less than a year attempting to bring me down;
4. she described the clothes shopping incident without emotion, then sobbed while re-telling the story less than an hour later, when testimony was being filmed. I mean seriously, trust me on this, she was really laying it on thick. I'm so sure, like what a phony; and
5. was overheard yelling, "neener-neener-neener" out her car window when she passed me one day on the boulevard.

Now she attempts to bring me down by somehow attributing her husbands lack of fashion sense on me. It's just not true.

With success comes skeptics, detractors, and attacks of guilt by association, particularly in today's climate. I raced and dressed clean. I know it and have fought and proved it. I want the tens of other riders out there that struggle with underdevelopedquadriceptisitis and surviors with whom I've been an inspiration to know that I have not, nor have I ever worn DayGlo. My victories are untainted and that they, too, have reason to hope for a full, healthy and productive future.

Johnny GoFast

Back before the bike, I was first and foremost a rodeo bull rider. Wait a minute, no I wasn't. But I guess I wish I was. No, again, not really. Tough life making money riding bulls. But I guess I wish I was as tough as a bull rider. These guys are cowboys in the truest sense. And that isn't a bad thing. Here in California, and more specifically the Bay Area, we don't get the mentality of the hard scrabble ways of the cowbow..the redneck..the shitkicker. We think we have the answers and can drone on at length as to why our policies are this or our policies are that. We all run with a nickels worth of information and can second guess the need to cross the road. The bull rider comes from a place where things are a lot more simple. You get on the bull, you go out into the ring and you ride that beast for 8 seconds without gettin' throwed, and you are a man. Cruel to the animal? Maybe. Pure at the most fundamental level? Absolutely.

I watched a documentary last night called Rank. A must view if for no other reason as to open your eyes to the ways of the other side if you skew left, vegetarian, educated. It shows three of the best from 2004 vying for the championship and the title "World Champion Bullrider." They all want the $1,000,000 bonus that comes with the title, but they all seem to covet the belt buckle a little more. The three in the running are what you'd expect. One is young, worships God, and wears a helmet. One is old and has secured the championship the last two years and comes from Brazil. The third is somewhere in between and is a pure cowboy hat and all. He's razor thin, bowlegged and competes on a broken ankle having been stepped on during the last stop on the tour. All are dripping with testosterone. They say things like, "when I'm done, I'm gonna do nothing but kill shit (in reference to hunting)," and, "we were just kids when we was married, so we were just tryin' to figure it out (he's 21 now having been married for two years)," and, "I don't show my wife much affection as my parents did not show affection to each other--it is not our way (Brazilian)." Through it you see glimpses of how some have been raise proper. One cowboy incessantly tips his cap to each lady he passes as he walks down a hallway and goes stone cold silent as he listens to his Grandma. They worship a higher being, the armed services, and the flag throughout. They make no excuses for their love of their country or the actions we have taken current or past. And they make no attempt to see anything wrong in that. It's that simple. There is some value in there even if they think NPR is some minor league Pro Rodeo association. A good view to be sure.

Johnny GoFast

Random things that have crossed my mind lately:

1) Somewhere Floyd has to be screaming, "Tyler...get off my side!!!"

"It was sad to see the Tour start under such a cloud, but I was happy to see it end with such an inspiring finish for Floyd Landis. The fallout since has been fairly devastating to watch. The morning the news broke, my wife and I felt physically sick for Floyd. We knew exactly what he was experiencing; the confusion, the terror, the disbelief. We wouldn’t wish any of what we’ve endured over the last two years on anyone, let alone Floyd. We were startled to see the firestorm in the media and how quickly everyone formed such strong opinions with so little information available. For our part, we fully support Floyd. The accusers have had their say, now it’s time to give Floyd the chance to make sense of what is going on around him." Tyler Hamilton

Right, and me thinks thou both doust protest too much.


2) As reported to me by my brother via a friend of his who has a brother that is friends with New England Patriot and San Mateo's very own Tom Brady. Apparently Tom was throwing a party recently and this young lady friend of my brothers was invited. Apparently she opened the wrong door to find none other than our very own Lance Armstrong snorting coke out of a bowl with Lindsey Lohan. Of course I have no reason to doubt this young lady who I've never met, but it seems a stretch that Lance would have received the memo on performance enhancing drugs but failed to read the handout on recreational ones. But there was that cat named Pantani who Lance like to hang out with...hmmmm....


3) If Eddy Merckx is the cannibal, would that make his.....

....son Axel the Vegan?

Hope you have a great weekend and that the Challenge before you or the Giro Day SF is what you make it to be. See you out there spinning around.

Johnny GoFast