So I had some other material planned, but I just stumbled onto this. With a little research, I discovered that this thing is good for baseball, football, hockey, etc. It will probably even work for bike riding, but then again, avoidance is the best option there. For those of you out there looking for last minute gift ideas, I think this thing is the bomb. Especially if the loved one you know is a lot like me...prone to say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wifeage. Also, if your giftee has my management style, it may be the perfect gift. Speaking from experience, more than once I've wished I was wearing one of these things after the dreaded review. Anyway, thought you'd be pleased with yet another fascinating gift idea.

See you Monday. Headed to the hills to get the boy on them slopes. Hopefully the wife can ski with the boy as I get the girl a little further into the process of loving the sport. Right now she's content to sit at the base and munch on the snacks. And as we all know, that isn't exactly skiing. Hope you are well.

Johnny GoFast

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Johnny GoFast Game Show. A fast paced game featuring fast paced questions akin to Johnny's riding style. If you are faster than your opponent and nearly as quick as Johnny, you could ride away with [Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!]. So let's meet our contestants:

Our first contestant comes to us directly from the runways of the Olympic Gardens in Las Vegas. Having mastered all she could ever learn by the eighth grade, she has become more than just a professional lap sitter. She lists Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue as her favorite song and she loves to sip on Crystal. Buy her a glass and she's yours for the evening. C'mon and give a GoFast reception to the lovely and talented Cinnamon...

Our next contestant can be regularly seen at the corner of Haight and Ashbury. His hobbies include hydroponics and giggling. His biggest claim to fame is inventing the peace sign and wearing a leather head band with a sunflower on it for 768 straight days. Give a groovy welcome to...Ash.

Contestant number three took Benjamin's fathers advice to heart and has invested heavily into plastics. But she's no head turner...no folks, she breaks necks! She hails from Danville but today she is all ours...give it up for Gina...

And our last contestant considers himself a modern day Huggy Bear without the dumbed down "whiteness" of Hollywood. Not only does he press the flesh, but he pushes it as well. He's lonelyness' public enemy number one...a big GoFast hello for Bradley.

People...please direct your eyes to the left side of the stage for it's time to meet our host. A person known locally for his spandex and flair. A man incapable of pulling off the Full Monty yet able to squeeze into little girls bathing suits. A person often referred to as the person in your way...a man who needs no introduction unless I'm introducing him...the man himself...[Crowd yells:Johnny GoFast!!!]. Mass Applause.


GoFast: Thank you everyone, it's great to be here. Contestants, you've been briefed on the rules of the game so lets begin. Remember, your answer has to be phrased in the form of an answer. The coin toss was won by Cinnamon, so you're in control of the board.

Cinnamon: Bikes in Johnny's Garage for 200...

GoFast: Of the bikes in Johnny's garage, which is the one referred to as the Babe Magnet?

Cinnamon: It has to be the Harley.

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm sorry that is incorrect. Would anyone like to steal the question? (Bradley rings in) Okay Bradley, go ahead.

Bradley: It'd be the singlespeed.

GoFast: Correct!!! For an additional 200 points, can you tell us why?

Bradley: Because his muscles bulge out like Eric Bustos' legs. And as we all know, Johnny has legs the size of arms while Bustos has legs the size of people.

GoFast: Correct again!!! (crowd cheers wildly) Bradley, you have control of the board.

Bradley: Coors Light for 300.

GoFast: Of the following statements, which is the most correct:
a) Coors Light is Jason Dunlap's bevy of choice;
b) Johnny once downed 15 Coors Lights in three hours;
c) Coors Light is the racers choice;
d) Coors Light is the preferred choice because it's union made.

Bradley: It'd be "B" Johnny.

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm sorry Bradley, that is incorrect. Gina's...er I mean Gina...I see you've rung in just ahead of Ash. For a chance to steal the question, do you know the correct answer?

Gina: The correct answer is "C".

crowd cheers wildly

GoFast: Johnny did once drink 15 beers in three hours, but they were Strohs Lights, not Coors Lights. Okay, Gina, you're in control of the board. What category do you like.

Gina: I'd like Mechanicals for 500.

GoFast: Okay, for 500, and a chance to take command of the game, what was Johnny's most recent mechanical that took him out of the Pilarcitos cross race last Sunday?

Gina: A dropped chain?

GoFast: ((After a long pause and a brief look to the judges)) I'm going to need a bit more.

Gina: A dropped chain and a flat?

crowd moans

GoFast: I'm afraid I can't give it to you. Does anyone want to try and steal? Ash, go ahead.

Ash: He dropped his bong?

GoFast: Ahh...no. Anyone else? Yes, Cinnamon, go ahead.

Cinnamon: He snapped his chain.

GoFast: Correct!!!

crowd cheers wildly

Cinnamon: I'd like to go with Bikes in Johnny's Garage for 400.

GoFast: For 400 and a chance to advance to the Victory Lap, what is Johnny's favorite bike of all time?

Cinnamon: It would be a 1998, stickerless, silver, Supergo Access frame built out at the time with the very best mountain bike components available. It's long since been retired having suffered a crack, but it was the lightest and fastest bike he has ever owned.

GoFast: Correct!!!!

crowd cheers wildly

GoFast: It's time to say goodbye to our other three contestants. Ash, Gina and Bradley, it's been great having you on the show. We have some fantastic parting gifts for you backstage.

crowd gives them a warm applause

GoFast: Okay Cinnamon, are you ready for your victory lap?

Cinnamon: Oh Johnny, this is just a dream come true.

GoFast: You know how this works. You get this final question right and you will win fabulous [Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!]. (Cinnamon jumps up and down giddy with excitement) Okay, for the big enchilada, how many bicycles are there in Johnny GoFast's garage and please name them.

Cinnamon: There is the Specialized road bike, Specialized mountain bike, Surly singlespeed, and LeMond TT bike. The Bianchi is not in there as it got ridden to work today.

crowd goes crazy

GoFast: Correct!!!! Griff, tell her what she's won.

Griff: (Somewhat dejectedly as he hates being Johnny's announcer) That's right Johnny. Cinnamon has won some fabulous GoFast prizes. She will start out with a deluxe tour of Johnny's garage where she will get to clean up the work bench, wash some bikes, repair some tubes, and generally just hang out. (Cinnamon jumps up and down giddy with excitement at which point Griff stops.) Wait a minute, Cinnamon, these prizes suck. Why are you so giddy?

Cinnamon: Just hanging out with Johnny is a prize in and of itself.

crowd goes crazy and even starts whooping like on Springer. Griff annoyed, throws down the mic and walks off stage right. GoFast picks up the mic and continues.

GoFast: That's it for today folks, join us tomorrow for more GoFast excitement and....[Crowd yells:GO FAST PRIZES!!

Hey Gang, kind of a potpourri for you today. When image searching for today's blog, I came across the two photos. I put the words Chilean Sea Bass into the googlator and up came these photos. Couldn't help but chuckle at the startling similarities. I know this isn't suppose to be some political blogidiotic platform (by my own rules only), but it definitely got me chuckling. Do you think AlGore knows that this is happening? Doesn't he practically own Google with all that stock they handed him to be on the board? Seems to me somebody could be getting fired because of this situation. And when the heck is he going to jump into the race? The field is gasping and I think he'd win in a runaway. Again, enough about that.

I was doing a Sea Bass search in the first place, because the girl likes to use that to describe chilly weather. She gets it from me as I like to say, "it's Chilean Sea Bass out there, so cover up." I'm sure I used to be like you and say it was cold which morphed into chilly which morphed into Chilean which became Chilean Sea Bass. Somewhere along the way, the girl picked up on it and now I'm certain she'll raise her hand in school one day in response the the teachers inquiry, "can anyone tell me what the description for the weather is in the winter time? Maile?" Once corrected, I'm sure she'll sit there totally confused and betrayed by her own father who imparted such idiotic phrases into her absorbent head. I just wish I could be there to see the teachers face.

Speaking of Chilean Sea Bass, rode with the Griffociraptor yesterday at the Granite-Bay-Ride-Up-to-Auburn-in-Pouring-Down-Rain-for-Moderate-Climbing-Repeat-Worlds. Three hours including a flat repair and I was waterlogged and shivering. At one point I came up along side Griff and said that this was the definition of miserable. After a long pause he said, "the definition of miserable would be exactly the same but riding alone." True that.

Did a little light shopping this lunchtime over at REI. Scoped out some stuff for my older brother that he may be Jonesing for. He's got designs on doing some more back country skiing type stuff this winter which means he probably will be dragging my ass around out there as well. I looked at shovels and avalanche probes knowing that this type of stuff is required when out of the safety of avalanche controlled resorts. But then I realized that if I get him the probe, who am I really buying that for? If he's using the probe it's because he's not the one buried which means that he'd probably be probing for me. This presents some basic ethical questions regarding the gifts you buy for people at Christmas if the present benefits you more that the recipient.. I passed as I really need to meditate on this a bit more.

Be seeing you out at the Pilarcitos Coyote Point race this weekend. Racing to not embarrass myself. In a complete and total quirk, I will have toed the line for every Pilarcitos race. I qualify for the perfect attendance award, I think, even though my attendance at the finish is one for four as of today. If I can finish on Sunday, make it an even two for the series. Pathetic. Anyway, hope the prize is good because it's getting regifted to the wife. I have no ethical questions regarding regifting Pilarcitos prizes to the wife for Christmas. Shocking, I know. Hope you are well.

Johnny GoFast

Went with the family up to the Country Griffiths' this weekend for a little down home fun. Those country folk really know how to party. We met up with them in Sacramento to ride the train on Saturday evening. Before we got on the Iron Horse for the one hour five mile out and back journey along I5, the kids got to get up with the band and jam. Jackson practically came out of his skin when the guitarist asked for a volunteer from the crowd. With a quick introductory lesson on the finer points of the gut bass, Jackson was ready to go. After the opening song, the rest of the crew scrambled forward and each were rewarded with a unique yet important instrument. Steve Ouzounian's kid, Cole, got weighted down with a real banjo that I thought for sure would take him tumbling to the ground. Phoebe Griffiths got the tambourine and Sam Ouzounian was outfitted with shaker type instrument while Spencer Griffiths was awarded some authentic Louisiana washboard type thing. With a quick one, two, three from Jackson, the group was off and running. The band is now called Big Cowboy and the Kiddiewinks and they are available for parties, bar mitzvahs, weddings, graduations, quincerra's, etc. Video attached for your reference.



The rest of the weekend was filled with a hodgepodge of smile inducing moments. Friday night saw the family at the local tree farm picking out the prettiest fire hazard available. Jackson helped me truck it into the house and then we decorated it. At first the wifeage was a little uptight as the kiddiewinks rambunctiously went at the ornaments. Some are fragile and she immediately feared that one might break. I started singing the song from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas were the people of Whoville stand around the tree in the center of town holding hands. I got the kids to join in and she buckled realizing that if an ornament gets smashed, we have another 10 ready to take its place. After that, everyone had a great time. Did the House of Pain Worlds on Saturday and it was hard. The wind was a bitch, which was good practice for those spring races, I guess. At one point going up Collier, Tony Homes mentioned that it would be a real bugger when we turned into the wind near the top. I looked down at our speed and my heart rate and I couldn't help but think, "it already is a real bugger." Went out for a couple of hours with Mr. Griffiths on our mountain bikes for the Sunday Morning Mountain Bike in Granite Bay Worlds. Of course this was after his wife went for a run. Upon her return, she announced that she had found a goat. Only in the country. Anyway, hope you had a wonderful weekend as well.

Johnny GoFast