Monday, August 20, 2007



Took the 'winks bowling on Saturday evening. As they told the man at the desk when we arrived, "we roll on Saturday's Sir." Great to hear that I'm growing up white trash. Anyway, we went to the local bowling alley that I've frequented since 1976. Nothing's changed since I've first stepped foot in that place. Sure the scoring is electric and they have the pop up bumpers and all, but everything else is straight out of my memory. The girl took to the "sport" almost immediately. She was able to roll and then get in my lap before the ball struck the pins. That's pure bowling talent and a follow through I'm sure Earl Anthony (former owner of the Danville Bowl-the history lesson continues) would have been proud of. Also, she perfected the old ball drop and then kick technique. Basically, she would run up to the line, drop the ball with a very loud thud, and then get it rolling by giving it a kick like shove with he right foot. Excellent. Other trick shots include but not limited to: Rolling the ball up the lane only to have it stall and come rolling back at us (she did this twice) and rolling the ball into another lane. She bowled a 69 in the first game and a 66 in the second.

The boy was a little more into it and constantly wanted to know the score. He even has a little body english working these days. As you can see in the above picture, he had every bowlers dream spare opp. The dredded 7/10 split. Dredded on one hand but also the greatest opportunity in bowling. You convert that spare and you can stick that in the hall of fame for shots. He didn't convert. He rolled a 75 and an 87.

Dad enjoyed himself as much as bowling will allow. I am proud to say I won and did not use the bumpers. The first game I rolled a 112 and then followed that up with a 160. That's way above average. Started that second game with two strikes in a row and then finished with three strikes (called a turkey). WooHoo!! Anyway, hope you are well and that you have set a side a night that you can roll. "To roll is good for the soul." Bowling legend Ernie McCracken

Johnny BowlFast

Saturday, August 18, 2007



So I've been inspired by the Griffociraptor.

Today, while warming up for the Dunnigan Hills Road Race, I spotted a historical marker. It was badly neglected, grown over with weeds, spray painted on some of the cement base, long forgotten. But the words inscribe on the monument were very interesting. After I got home I Googled some of what I had read and I found the story amazing.

Horace Dunnigan was born in 1825 in Chicago, Illinois. All he knows of his parents is a simple letter that was written. It said: Please, take this boy and care for him. We are poor and I fear we won't make it through the winter. When the nuns that ran the orphanage turned Horace out into the world 18 years later, they gave him the note. They told him that it was pinned to his nightshirt and that they found him on their doorstep when he was about two.

He was a bright man, but quiet. He was confident in himself despite being abandoned at such a young age. He set out to find his way in the world and knew that his greatest opportunity waited 1500 miles to the west. He made it as far as St. Joes, Missouri where he found work as a black smith. In the evenings, he would go out into the wilderness and hunt. It was immediate that he discovered he was a deadly shot. Two years later, in 1845, he took on with the ill fated Donner Party as an advanced scout. His job was to ride two to three days forward of the wagon trains and hunt for food. He would chop wood and butcher the meat so that when the party arrived, they would be well prepared. Henry Donner, the Captain of the expedition, later wrote: I've never met a man so capable as Horace Dunnigan. Certainly we would have perished well before we ever reached the Sierra Nevada.

Dunnigan was quiet mostly, but would speak his mind when required. He was vehemently opposed to leaving the Oregon Trail for the rumored "shortcut" to California. Ultimately, the Captain chose the shorter route. Dunnigan, though in thorough disagreement with the decision, did his job. He was instrumental in getting the Party through the Wasach Mountain Range which shockingly did not do the Party in. Dunnigan again pleaded with the Captain and the Party elders to winter in what has now become Salt Lake City. In his advanced movements, he reported that the desert was too hard for the weakened Party to cross successfully. That by waiting, they could go in the spring when there would be more water to sate the oxen. Again, overruled, Dunnigan plowed ahead mapping a route through the desert that brought the team past oasis's that proved to be too few and too far between.

With Dunnigan about four days ahead, he had just cleared the Sierra mountain pass when the snows started to fall. Fearing he would be snowbound, he pressed on for eight straight days and staggered out at Sutter's Mill. It was only later that he realized that the Party was stuck on the other side of the pass. He immediately searched for anyone that would help him with his rescue plans, but few took up with him. Armed with crude snowshoes, a 110 pound pack of provisions, Dunnigan retraced his steps back into the mountains. It took him an entire month to cross the range and then locate the Party, now buried in 10 feet of snow. He had just enough food to keep the people alive for two weeks. He was able to locate and kill some game, but he knew these people would perish if they didn't get out of there soon. After reassuring Captain Donner that he would return with help, Dunnigan set out again for Sutter's Mill. This time he was able to rally a rescue Party. By the time they returned, half the Party had been wiped out and had given into cannibalism. Some in the rescue rescue party were so disgusted with what they found, they initially refused to partake in offering any aide to the destitute. Again, Dunnigan found the words to make them do his service and in the end, he marched those that remained to safety.

Naturally he became a hero. Word spread quickly in the west regarding this daring and industrious young man. General Fremont, who was leading the war against the Spanish knew that this was the type of man he needed in his army if he was to have any hope against the better trained and equipped Spanish. He sent for Dunnigan. He offered him a commission of men and would make him a major upon his acceptance. Dunnigan immediately accepted and reported for duty at an outpost called Yerba Buena (San Francisco today). His first and only mission was to be instrumental in defeating the Spanish and allowed the United States to stake claim on California. The Spanish had set up a formidable occupation near what is now called San Luis Obispo. Fremont needed to drive them back or he feared he'd lose the war. The plan called for Dunnigan and his men to drive directly at the Spanish while Fremont would take his men and shadow him to the east. A few days into the battle, Fremont would drive his men in from the east and drive the Spanish to the west. Dunnigan did as he was told, knowing full well that less than 10% of his men would live to see the fall of San Luis Obispo. When Fremont showed up on the scene, he found Dunnigan's men dead or dying on what he described as the most bloody battlefield his eyes had ever seen. He was stunned and almost hesitated while Dunnigan's men continued to fight. Fremont made easy work of what was left of the battle weary Spanish. Dunnigan himself was shot four times, twice in his left leg, once in his right forearm and once in the gut. But he continued to fight. Later, General Ayalla proclaimed: Major Dunnigan is the best soldier I have ever witnessed in battle. He commands his men from the front and fights with such valor and bravery, I knew immediately my forces would be no match.

News of Major Dunnigan reached Washington DC in short order. Congress immediately proclaimed that they owed him a great debt of gratitude and offered him anything as his reward. Dunnigan simply stated that all he wanted was some land to call his own. They parcelled off a section of land to the west of Sutters Mill and to the north of the Vaca Valley. An 80 square mile section of land grown thick with oaks and held the most fertile land in the west. It was a brilliant reward for his efforts, they said.

In the Cache Creek Valley and the surrounding hills, mercury was discovered. Dunnigan set up elaborate mining operations to harvest the liquid. Later, when gold was discovered in the hills to the east, it was Dunnigan's mercury that was used in the mining operations. But as is the case sometimes in history, Dunnigan's story ends sadly. Driven mad from the mercury poison, Dunnigan slowly lost his mind and then his fortune from the mining operations. Convinced that there was gold on his stretch of land, he began strip mining operations that were grand in scale. He dug huge holes about his land in search of the "color" but never hit the lode. As his money ran out, and he could no longer pay to keep the men digging, he became a recluse. In time, the hills and holes faded into the landscape and only those that knew the story knew that these were Dunnigan's Hills.

Anyway, I thought a lot about Horace Dunnigan today as I raced around that barren land. A man oddly enough abandoned at such a young age yet given to relentless devotion throughout his life. Our race, I guess fittingly enough, finished with the pack fighting to the very end. I ended up behind some floundering Penn Velo guy and I had to check up to avoid going down. I was able to make up some spots, but the win was history. I floated in fifth but richer for the historical knowledge of Horace Dunnigan.

Johnny GoFast

Monday, August 13, 2007


Lots of stuff to talk about today.

Item 1: The wifeage logged on to the site over the weekend. She was alarmed at the chatter regarding watts, HR, perceived effort, etc. More alarmed at some of the analysis and debate. Get a life, she implores.

Item 2: Again, the wifeage while logged on read the article about me dropping out of the Fort Ord race. Not good. Apparently mass suckage does not warrant not finishing. "If you race you finish," she said. "You spend our money to go and race...you finish the damn thing. You can only drop out if medical attention is required or your bike is broken beyond rideability. Otherwise, you keep going. Now get out of my sight," she bellowed. Yikes. Note to self, either finish or lie.

Item 3: Took home a second place finish at the Patterson Pass Road Race. Actually considered not doing this race due to bad sensations in the legs from the last race and getting bitch slapped by Griff earlier in the week. But it was a 35+ 4/5 A race so I figured what the hell(there was a B race--but winning that is really no great shakes. I mean it's the B field and everyone knows that's where they put the slowest 50 guys). One guy got away for the solo win and I won the field sprint from about 12 guys. It was a pretty pathetic affair as I don't fancy myself a sprinter. But I'm not a climber either and I figured the guys I was with were better at going up than going for the line. Normally, in a sprint, it's like a jail break with everyone including older ladies passing me on the way to the line. It was kind of fun to win one of those to be the first loser, tallest midget, king of the heap, etc.

Item 4: Taking some time off this week to hang with the kiddiewinks. Going to the waterpark today and Alcatraz tomorrow then camping the remainder of the week. This weekend, I'm taking my Jason Dunlap/Pat McQuadlin/Robert Winderesque sprint to Dunnigan Hills to unleash the fury within. Or simply finish so I can come home and kiss the wife. She's a tough one you know. Now go be friendly to a total stranger.

Johnny GoFast

Friday, August 10, 2007



In an interview today, Johnny GoFast shocked the world when he announced that he had just tested positive for blood doping. With his long time friend, The Griffociraptor, sitting next to him for support, GoFast read from a prepared statement and then fielded questions from the assemblage of reporters. In the statement, GoFast revealed that he had tested positive during an out of competition test performed in Alamo, California. He was informed of the non-negative on Wednesday evening at his home. He is not contesting the validity of the result or the procedures used to identify the non-negative. He has not asked for the back up B sample to be tested. There has been no word from Paul Carter, President and founding member of the Pegasaurus/VandenBerghe Properties presented by Contra Costa Cycling Club, on whether GoFast will immediately be sacked from the team. GoFast acknowledged that he certainly assumes that this positive test will result in the end of a very mediocre career. Below is the brief statement and details from the question and answer period that followed:

"I was informed on Wednesday evening by someone within the USA Cycling Organization that an out of competition test performed within the last month had revealed the presence of a foreign body within my blood stream. Although I'm saddened by the fact that I resorted to performance enhancing methods to attain my results, I feel that it is a great relief to have this cloak of dishonesty removed from my conscience. My only regrets are the decision to dope in the first place and my decision to continue the doping protocol after I had started. It is an awful thing to know that the success that I have achieved is the result of dishonest actions. I owe a great apology to all that I have raced and all that I have cheated as a result of these poor decisions. Most of all, I owe an apology to Griff, who I have dedicated my life to beating. My results are all the work of modern chemistry and have nothing to do with hard work. I am not contesting the result nor the methods used to obtain the result. I will take my punishment and work in the future to educate those that find themselves in a position of temptation in regards to taking performance enhancing drugs. I will now 'man up' and field your questions."

Henry Schulman SF Chron: Mr. GoFast, can you give us the nature of the result and specifically what abnormalities or foreign bodies were found in your blood stream?

"Yes. Well it was more of a foreign body...not foreign bodies as reported in some international news releases. The doping control and lab were able to isolate Michael Rasmussen in my blood stream. They found him in the beaker of blood that they took from my vein.

Ray Ratto SF Chron: Johnny, can you elaborate on this development? Specifically, how exactly did you inject Rasmussen into your veins, where did you find him and how much did this procedure cost?

"Thanks for that question Ray. It's important to get this information out to the public and to the people within doping control so that everyone is aware of the ongoing problems. Injecting Rasmussen was not that big of a deal. You can get a hypodermic needle very easily from any needle exchange program in San Francisco. And that bitch is skinny, so getting him into the syringe and into the vein was relatively easy. I've been injecting Michael for the past few years now. It may explain why he is non-existent anywhere but the tour. I do a little blood letting close to the beginning of July to let him race, and then re-inject him at the end of the month. As for the cost, it's not cheap that's for sure. I don't have exact figures, but I would hazard to guess that it was in the $5,000. range per anum."

Brian Gilmore CoCo Times: John, a lot has been made recently about Michael Rasmussen being one of the so called 'men in black' and there seems to be some controversy regarding his whereabouts just prior to the tour. Can we assume that he was in your blood stream at that time?

"He was in my blood stream and indeed wearing black."

Nancy Gay SF Chron: Johnny, how much did this help your performance do you estimate, and what can you tell others about the perils of doping?

"As for the perils, injecting Michael Rasmussen really wasn't that big of a deal from a health standpoint. Other than not knowing what he was on and whether he would blow up inside my body, I really don't think my health was at risk. The biggest let down of all was knowing that anything I achieved was the result of cheating and not the result of hard work. As for the benefits, he helped quite a bit. He has mountain biking traditions so I was at a tremendous advantage on the dirt. He also came in handy on road races that went up. No shocker that I haven't done a lot of time trials. Not exactly his strong suit."

Brian Gilmore CoCo Times: John, have you had any discussions with Michael now that he is no longer in your system?

"We've been separated and as far as I'm concerned we are through. I will say that every year about this time, Michael would try and jack up his fee. He comes from a nation that is absolutely berzerker about cyclocross. On numerous occasions I have been approached by top level cyclist, Svens Nys comes to mind, regarding the services of Mr. Rasmussen.

I would just like to thank you for hearing me out on this. I am not proud of the things that I've done as stated above. It is a great relief to air this news publicly and I only hope that in time I will be forgiven by my family, friends and fans. I am only human and prone to lapses in judgement. I can only ask for your forgiveness and hope to one day earn that. Thank you for your time."

Associated Press

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


I have been to the top of the mountain so now hear this: Griff can out climb me and Pat McLaughlin can apply some serious damn power in a sprint. Apparently I can do neither. Good times on the mountain last night and you were surely missed. Ended up doing seven five minute pieces of which Griff pretty much popped a wheelie all over my face. Humble pie for sure. Later, on the way home, we got all sprinty like with each other with McQuadlin unleashing some wickedness. The kind that make me fumble at the notion that I think I can ride my bike. Compared to that, I'm a dart player who occasionally gets out for a ride now and again. Ouch.

So lets get to today's technical question and answer period. Well, actually, less answer and more question. It breaks down like this, Griff has the full blown cockpit on his handlebars. Random watt meter, heart rate monitor, bone density scanner, the works. I ride with a HR monitor and cadence. Pat, who rowed at Davis during the days that they would chop down a tree, hollow it out, fashion some metal that they found laying around as riggers and get in and row the thing...rode with no data what so ever. I notice that during the pieces, when Griff would stand and pedal, I'd actually go faster and make up ground. My HR would remain the same as would my cadence (my only two reference points). Griff says that when standing, his power would remain the same as when he was seated. If the road variable remained constant (i.e. the pitch remained the same), shouldn't our speed remain the same? In other words, if the power remained the same, wouldn't the speed? If the random tabulator showed 350 watts either standing or sitting, isn't that still 350 watts? But each time he stood to maintain his watts, usually at the end of the piece, I would noticeably move up. I've notice this before when riding with others that when they stand, I actually pass them if I remain seated and seemingly they would slow. Any geeks...er I mean...fellow bike riders have any intel on this? McQuadlin, old school and all, rode while shaking his head at all the gadgetry. Hope you are well, Mr. Allknowing, and that you have the answers to the above.

Johnny GoFast

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


Okay, back in college Griff and I were on the rowing team together. Before our workouts, Griff and I would sneak into the Rec Hall for a little "extra" fun on the rowing machine. "Just a 20 minute piece..to get loose," we'd tell each other. About four pulls into the effort, I'd catch Griff looking over at my computer to see how hard I was pulling. Inevitably, at the end of the session, we'd compare notes as to who went further that day during the 20 minutes. And Griff didn't like to be out done. Neither did I, so I'd peek over at his computer as well. If I'd notice he was pulling harder, I'd squeeze it up to keep pace. He'd notice and squeeze it up just a bit more. At about 10 minutes in, we'd be in a full blown drag race. We'd get off the machine spent. One of us just a little more excited than the other as we trotted out to practice.

So today, we're going up on the mountain for some intervals. Naturally we will "keep" it in the desired zone...for a nanosecond or two and then all hell will break loose. I'll sneak up on him, tucked in tight and sneak a peek at his HR and compare. No doubt it will be above target which will mean mine will be above target as well, but neither will back down. It's not in our DNA. I predict mass quantities of pain and I can't wait. You're invited. Meet at the Rudgear Park and Ride at 5pm to join the excitement. Otherwise, stay well and be excellent to each other.

Johnny GoFast

Monday, August 06, 2007


I had this friend back in high school named Ron Moran. He was one of these guys you always looked forward to seeing in the hallways because he was always happy and quick with a story. I remember him telling me about his wrestling match that he had recently lost. He was wrestling some guy who he admits was better than he was, but Ron was holding his own against the guy. He actually was up on points against him as they went into the final period of the match. With sudden swiftness, the guy turned the tables on Ron and he quickly found himself writhing for his life as the guy worked to pin him. Ron worked and worked but the guy had him tied up and the inevitable lurked just around the corner. As Ron retold the story, he remembered that just before the ref brought down his hand on the mat signifying that he'd been pinned, Ron vowed (as he stared defeated up at the ceiling) that next week in practice he'd work his ass off so that he'd be more prepared the next time he wrestled.

I thought a lot about that story on my way home from Fort Ord this weekend. I sucked with a capital "s". We had to do five laps out on that course. A course I normally love for its hard. There is a climb, not long, but very steep that I meet with excitement. I'm not a great climber, but I'm good enough to do the old "hang on" routine for the three or four minutes it takes to get up it. I was in good shape on the first lap, got gapped a bit on the second lap but able to quickly catch back on, crested the third time easily with the group which had noticeably shrunk which put all sorts of confidence into my brain. The fourth time up proved to be my undoing. At the base, I was doing all right and hanging with the lead 20 guys or so. I'd generally start near the front on the climb and drift back a little each time up. My HR was in the zone, so I figured I'd be there in the end. Well these Squadra guys moved forward and drilled the pace about half way up. This created a little gap after the 10th guy or so. The second group held steady of which I rode precariously positioned at the back. Somebody in the group panicked and quickened the pace in an effort to bridge us all up to the front group. And I popped. Like a bag of bricks had been lowered onto my back, I floundered as I got gapped. As I crested, I could see the tail end of the second group as it rejoined with the front group. There were maybe 20 guys left as I dangled off the back gapped by 10 seconds or so. I tried to bridge, I picked up some stragglers that couldn't hold the pace as the group crested and we worked to get back to the group. Slowly, they pulled away from us. At first it was imperceptible, but with each passing minute, the gap became more pronounced. Creeping doubt began to enter my head and I worked to suppress the demon voice. But as we went through the finish line area, the lead group was gone and the tailing ref on the motorcycle went through me signifying that my hopes of a top finish were officially dashed. And I quit right there. That word "quit" really sucks. There is no way around it. At first I thought that I just was having a bad day. Or I thought about the lack of sleep or the bad training due to work or the fact that I hadn't stopped eating since my last mountain bike race in June, but the fact of the matter is, I just quit trying. And that is why on my way home on Saturday, intermixed with the out loud F-Bombs I dropped my way, I thought about Ron Moran. I hate being humbled, but I do learn from it. With Patterson facing me square in the face, I may suffer a bad placing, but I will not suffer the failure of not finishing. I'm still pissed about sucking, but this too shall pass. No time like the present to get back to work.

Johnny GoFast

Friday, August 03, 2007


Excuse me if I'm a little slow today. Had a friend of mine from Minnesota drop in on me yesterday with the brood. Holy smokes, they've got four kids and all of them a pistol. We swam and ate and drank and giggled and horsed around and barely slept. The kids did the same. It was great catching up, but now I'm playing catch up as the whirlwind swept out the door at 9:30am for destinations east (Northstar at Tahoe) and a family vacation. But they'll be back in a week or so and I'll be ready. Barely. The picture above is the little ones being more silly than hungry. My philosophy...you got a narrow window of opportunity to eat. If you'd rather screw around, so be it. Next meal is in 12 hours, thanks for coming to the table. The wifeage gives them 18 warnings. Anyway, see you at Ft. Ord tomorrow. I'll be the one with fading fitness at the back. Go easy pleasy.

Johnny GoFast

Thursday, August 02, 2007


Dear Editor-
In yesterday's blog entry, you viciously attacked me by calling me, as you so eloquently put it, a penis sucker. As you recall, I rather innocuously asked you how you liked the tour now that it had run to its conclusion. I would like the opportunity to set the facts straight: I, Carl BorgBorg of Granite Bay, California am not a penis sucker.
I am under the assumption that you felt resigned to resort to this level of thinking because I don't believe as you do that all the tour riders are doped. I feel that to make a general sweeping statement as that is devoid of all critical thinking. In other words, it's the easy way out. Discovery Channel and more specifically, Johan Bruneel, have run an outstanding program and have withstood the personal and very public attacks of everyone from journalists, other race teams, the ASO and UCI organizations, and from people from within their own organizational structure with only financial motivation at their core. They have withstood these attacks and barrages every time and dismissed them as unfounded. Until Ivan Basso, they have never suffered the suspension of a single rider while under their employ. Lance Armstrong has proven to be the cleanest whistle of them all and an ardent foe for anyone leveling unfounded claims in his direction. The only chink in the armor is Ivan himself who was hired by Bruneel and Armstrong despite a very dark cloud over his head. You question the ethical standard surrounding this decision. In a country founded on being innocent until proven guilty, I struggle with your reasoning. After it was proven that indeed he was involved with Peurto and Ivan confessed to his involvement did Discovery move with swift and final judgement. This process was overlooked by a great many, but I saw that as just another example of Discovery getting it both right when they a) went against the conventional wisdom of blackballing a rider due to alleged involvement in doping and b) moved with swift and final action against a rider known to have violated doping rules. If riders routinely pass dope tests, then how can they all be doped? Pointing at a few rotten apples that have been exposed does not make the whole bushel rotten. I too am frustrated that the sport suffers ingrates that feel the only way to go fast on a bicycle is by injecting themselves with God knows what, but don't hate them all. Because I support those that ride, and do so cleanly, does not make me a penis sucker?

Carl BorgBorg
Granite Bay, California

In answer to your last question, perhaps.
Editor

Wednesday, August 01, 2007




Summertime...and the livin' is easy. Pictures above are randoms from this summer. That's a bona fide chicken in Jackson's arms, Maile being happy, and my kids with the Griffociraptor kids on a walk in the Felton redwoods. I'm lucky.

Also put in for my race reimbursement today. Looking back on my races, it's a pretty good body of work all in all. Didn't win a race this year, so that kind of bums. But most of the races show'd me in a top 10 placing or better yet, top five. Scored the best on the mountain bike for sure. Best race was probably the 4th at the Sea Otter cross country as the field was big and the course was looonnnggg. Did score a 3rd at one of the Norba races and led that series for a while before I flatted twice in Utah. What's a fella to do? Not all is done as there are still the Cal Cups, and as Velo Bella likes to point out, this is all just preseason anyway. Ahh, the winds are changing and there's the smell of cross in the air. Here's to hoping the legs hold out.

With a little bit of extra time today, let's clear out some mail:

Hey Johnny-
Love the site. Curious what your thoughts are on the Tour De France. As you know, I'm a DTPS. Carl BorgBorg Granite Bay, CA


Thanks for writing in Carl. As you know, I believe they're all doped. I think Disco is the most doped of them all. Johan has a questionable ethical standard as reflected in hiring Basso with all the dope baggage that went along with him. And Contador and Levi are not lily white. They're gettin' away with it and it bugs me big time. I did watch the tour and loved the drama as these jerk wads got busted. Now, if you really want to see some racing, check out your local scene.

Hey Johnny-
What's a DTPS? One of your thousands of anonymous blog readers, Address Unknown


Dear Anon-
Thanks for reading and writing in your question. Mom, please overt your eyes. A DTPS is a Discovery Team Penis Sucker. Other uses that have been leveled Borgy's way: LAPS (Lance Armstrong), IBPS (Ivan Basso), JBPS (Johan Bruneel), SGPS, etc.


Lots more letters to get to, but out of time. Hope you are well and keep that Delilah song out of your head. It can get pretty annoying.

Johnny GoFast